Author: Harper Kingsley

While I realize that my birthday is months and months away, I would just like to broadly hint that “Archer” and Archer-related paraphernalia is what I would like to receive this year (or next year, whatever). Starting with “How to Archer: The Ultimate Guide to Espionage and Style and Women and Also Cocktails Ever Written” by Sterling Archer himself.

First H. Jon Benjamin seduced me into watching “Bob’s Burgers” with his sexy sexy voice, then he sucked me into the world of espionage by dangling “Archer” in front of my face. Who could resist that kind of allure? Not I, sir. Not I.

And don’t even get me started on that time they put both shows together. The only way that could have been better was if all of the actors’ schedules had matched up. Still, it was pretty sweet.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GFobb7n7AzE

So, putting my Netflix, Hulu, and Amazon accounts to good use, I have consumed the five available seasons of “Archer” (with my eyes, not my mouth, because that would be incredibly weird and, you know, physically impossible). As I have yet to see Season 6, I am avoiding all spoilers as though they’re contaminated with super-AIDS. Please don’t ruin it for me, or I will call the fury of Cthulhu down on your head.

There’s a special place in Hell for people that spoil books, movies, television, and the Superbowl.

Though IĀ  probably wouldn’t say “No” to a Bob’s Burgers/Archer story where it turns out that Bob’s been bonked on the head and goes into a dream sequence where he thinks he’s Archer. Kind of like that one thing where Charlie Kelly mentions having a dream where he was a super hotshot scientist rockstar genius that saves the world from giant … Read the rest “RE: Archer, books, merch, and AWESOMEness. Possibly not in that order”

1 comment on "FIC: “FML,” by Harper Kingsley – 01"

Title: FML
Author: Harper Kingsley
Character: Dantea Gasswell
Genre: urban fantasy, drama
Summary: A quick stop for milk results in a wacky and wild adventure.

I’m the stereotypical Asian girl with bad teeth. Fuck my life.

The irreverent thought popped in her head while waiting in line at CVS. She’d caught a glimpse of her reflection in the mirrored shelf-back of a jewelry display.

At some point she’d begun to let her appearance go. There was no one that she felt a need to impress, and keeping up her appearance was a lot of work if the only time she left the house was to pick up a gallon of milk and some Ibuprofen. There were some days–today–when it didn’t seem worth it to wash her hair or put in her contacts. She kept her face and hands washed at all times and tried to keep her appearance somewhat neat and tidy, but she didn’t bother with fancy clothes or makeup. It was just easier to throw on her glasses and an unmarked black ball cap as she headed out the door.

I’m a wreck, Dantea thought.

She’d been in a rush and hadn’t bothered to check her reflection before leaving home, which meant she hadn’t realized that she was looking worse than usual. Less hot mess and more of just a mess-mess.

There was a gob of whitening gel firming up like gelatin on her eyetooth.

Screams for milk before school had ruined her morning bathroom routine.

The Iron Man tee shirt she’d pulled on was looking a bit dingy and dirty. She hoped it didn’t smell.

Her ponytail stuck out lopsidedly from the hole in her cap, the ends looking frazzled and maybe a bit dry. She hadn’t remembered to grab her headband, so her bangs … Read the rest “FIC: “FML,” by Harper Kingsley – 01”

We’re cleaning out a really disgusting room. We’re not keeping anything from in there. It’s mostly garbage.

Seriously, I’m not risking my life and future health to hold onto some crap I don’t even want. I don’t know how much my life is worth to me, but it’s a lot more than some old ratty Barbie Dolls and the Kid’s precious tub of legos. (Which wouldn’t have been in storage for so long if he really wanted them.)

When I went in that room to clean it, there were all the signs that rats had been in there. All the stuffed animals had been torn into and there were old traces of urine.

I closed the door and didn’t go back.

Rats are serious business. Breathing their dried up poop can make a person really and permanently sick.

I saw that episode of CSI: Crime Scene Investigation where Hodges was full on geared up to deal with that rat garbage. He listed some really horrible things you can catch from rat feces and urine. NO, THANK YOU.

It was the first time I’d seen someone from the show all dressed up in protective gear like that. The other CSIs walk in to find Hodges treating the rat mess like it’s a super plague, while they’re wearing everyday clothes. He wasn’t about to change just to fit the cool attitude of his co-workers and he told them so. That was cool to me.

In CSI and other police procedural shows, the actors and actresses leave their hair hanging around their faces and sometimes don’t put their gloves all the way on. Meanwhile, in the real world, professionals tie their hair back if it’s needed, wear sensible clothes, and do their own paperwork.

Take the forensic techs in Hot Fuzz for instance. … Read the rest “Rats carry disease”

Tried out WordBrain, a game I picked up from the Play Store. It starts off pretty easy, but becomes more difficult as it goes along.

I could see using this app to train a child to form words and realize that problems are solvable with a little thought.

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