Movie & Television Reviews

American Ultra wasn’t quite the hot dumpster fire I’d feared it was going to be, but it wasn’t as enjoyable as I wanted it to be either. There was a definite sense of disjointedness to the story.

I wish they hadn’t discarded that original storyline of a woman loving a flawed man. That was some powerful stuff there. And those tiny morsels of it strewn through the Frankenstein monster of the rest of the movie made me sad.

As I was watching, I kept thinking “With some editing this could be a watchable movie.”

As it was, American Ultra was a dud.

KStew was charming as always. She did the best she could with some truly terrible dialogue.

Jesse Eisenberg left me cold. He’s always so glib. It takes away from whatever scene he’s in.

I can’t think of her name, but she’s a lovely lady in every TV show she’s in… Oh lordy. Someone needs to fire the makeup person, because that was definitely not some HD-ready foundation. And someone needs to yell at the editors for not smoothing the scenes up in post.

And then there’s Topher Grace.

Topher Grace.

Topher Grace.

Seriously, he’s got the role of sleazy badguy down pat. But he definitely should have pointed out how awful most of his lines were, and how they totally destroyed any credibility this movie might have had.

American Ultra is not a flaming dumpster fire. There are a few scenes that will hopefully be cut out and reused someday in a much better movie. But most of it does belong in a dumpster.

Season 10 of “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia” is finally on Netflix, just days before Season 11 premiers on FXX (January 6, 2016). So if you’ve been looking out for that, you’re welcome.

If you’re new to the show, you should be aware that the first few seasons are pretty rough. To be honest, there’s tons of episodes that I don’t like and that I watched once and would not go out of my way to watch again. Yet the episodes that I like… I’ve watched them several times.

My top episodes:
S3 E11 – “Dennis Looks Like a Registered Sex Offender”
S4 E1 – “Mac and Dennis: Manhunters”
S4 E13 – “The Nightman Cometh”
S5E2 – “The Gang Hits the Road”
S5E6 – “The World Series Defense”
S6E7 – “Who Got Dee Pregnant?”
S6E11 – “The Gang Gets Stranded in the Woods”
S6E12 – “Dee Gives Birth”
S6E13/14 – “A Very Sunny Christmas”
S7E1 – “Frank’s Pretty Woman”
S7E2 – “The Gang Goes to the Jersey Shore”
S7E3 – “Frank Reynold’s Little Beauties”
S7E6 – “The Storm of the Century”
S7E7 – “Chardee MacDennis: The Game of Games”
S7E8 – “The ANTI-Social Network”
S7E9 – “The Gang Gets Trapped”
S7E10 – “How Mac Got Fat”
S7E11 – “Thunder Gun Express”
S8E3 – “The Maureen Ponderosa Wedding Massacre”
S8E4 – “Charlie and Dee Find Love”
S8E5 – “The Gang Gets Analyzed”
S8E9 – “The Gang Dines Out
S8E10 – “Reynolds vs. Reynolds: The Cereal Defense”
S9E2 – “Gun Fever Too: Still Hot”
S9E3 – “The Gang Desperately Tries to Win an Award”
S9E5 – “Mac Day”
S9E6 – “The Gang Saves the Day”
S9E7 – “The Gang Gets Quarantined”
S9E8 – “Flowers for Charlie”
S9E9 – “The Gang Makes Lethal Weapon 6”
S9E10 – “The Gang Squashes Their Beefs”
S10E1 … Read the rest “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia Season 10 is on Netflix”

If you’re a fan of dark sci-fi movies, you might think about giving “Infini” a try. It’s currently streaming on Netflix and it was actually really good.

I don’t want to say too much and ruin the movie, but it begins with a quick intro to the world–people are poor, one of the ways to make money is to sign on to the military where they implant an Apex device into the back of your neck, and you get digitized and sent to other worlds through the Slipstream–that’s brief but gives you all the info you need to enjoy the story.

Whit Carmicheal is readying himself for his first trip through the Slipstream when a catastrophe occurs in the complex. He and another soldier dirty jump to whatever hell the last group has just returned from–screaming and clawing at their skin. It’s the only thing they can do as the complex goes into lockdown and the alternative is to be lethally sanitized.

Cut to the East Coast complex where a squad is being prepped to go to Infini, a mining station at the farthest reach of the Slipstream system. There’s been some form of accident and all the miners are dead. But one of them had time to prep a lethal payload for delivery to Earth. Oh, and it turns out that before the West Coast complex self-destructed, some soldiers managed to Slipstream to Infini and at least one of them might still be alive, though it’s hard to tell with the effects of time-dilation.

Their mission is to stop the payload delivery and rescue Whit Carmicheal.

And from there the movie really starts.

While I realize that my birthday is months and months away, I would just like to broadly hint that “Archer” and Archer-related paraphernalia is what I would like to receive this year (or next year, whatever). Starting with “How to Archer: The Ultimate Guide to Espionage and Style and Women and Also Cocktails Ever Written” by Sterling Archer himself.

First H. Jon Benjamin seduced me into watching “Bob’s Burgers” with his sexy sexy voice, then he sucked me into the world of espionage by dangling “Archer” in front of my face. Who could resist that kind of allure? Not I, sir. Not I.

And don’t even get me started on that time they put both shows together. The only way that could have been better was if all of the actors’ schedules had matched up. Still, it was pretty sweet.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GFobb7n7AzE

So, putting my Netflix, Hulu, and Amazon accounts to good use, I have consumed the five available seasons of “Archer” (with my eyes, not my mouth, because that would be incredibly weird and, you know, physically impossible). As I have yet to see Season 6, I am avoiding all spoilers as though they’re contaminated with super-AIDS. Please don’t ruin it for me, or I will call the fury of Cthulhu down on your head.

There’s a special place in Hell for people that spoil books, movies, television, and the Superbowl.

Though I  probably wouldn’t say “No” to a Bob’s Burgers/Archer story where it turns out that Bob’s been bonked on the head and goes into a dream sequence where he thinks he’s Archer. Kind of like that one thing where Charlie Kelly mentions having a dream where he was a super hotshot scientist rockstar genius that saves the world from giant … Read the rest “RE: Archer, books, merch, and AWESOMEness. Possibly not in that order”

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