My uncle and my dad have shared the same lawnmower for 20 years. A week ago, my uncle finally went out and bought a new mower — a Cadet Cub riding lawn mower, or tractor if you prefer. The one he chose is bright yellow with the black stripe, it looks like something you might ride in a race.

I tried it out and it was pretty easy to use, even in our mess of a yard. This was the first cutting of the year, which meant the grass was tall and juicy. There were plenty of hidden sticks and mole hills to grind up against the blade when you least expect it. Still, that mower cut through the grass super easily, and it was fun to drive.

For speed control: Under the steering wheel is a little shifter that lets you take it from tortoise all the way up to hare.
For braking: Your left foot controls the break.
For going: Your right foot controls the accelerator.
For reversing: Your right foot controls the reverse pedal. You cannot back up without lifting the blade first.

The blade controls are next to the seat, in easy reach of your right hand. Though once you’ve got the blade down and you’re ready to mow, you shouldn’t have to do a whole lot of shifting or whatever. Basically everything is controlled with your feet and all you have to do is drive.

I had fun driving the mower and I might not complain about having to mow the lawn next weekend.

Updates and changes to come.

This house is fucking freezing.

I have this small heater that’s supposed to make things livable and it does a half-assed job. It’s very disappointing.

I spend most of my time wearing thermal underwear and sweatsuits. I sleep under a layer of blankets.

It’s because the cold is a hungry beast. It tries to climb into a person’s veins.

I sometimes feel as though Eternal Winter has cast a spell on me.

In the same way that the Winter Queen cursed our country, I have to wonder if I’ve been more personally cursed. To always have cold hands and a standoffish personality. To be so entirely outside of every group I stand in.

And my curse began in this house. Where I spent my childhood and most of my adolescence. That I have returned to as an adult. Mostly because I have nowhere else to go.

That’s the sad thing about burned bridges. They tended to add up.

Now here I am. Home again, home again.

Making the best of a bad situation feels like the best thing I could do. So I’ll hold myself together until this is all over.

I huddle around the propane heater in the main living room and listen to the conversation swirl around me. Five people in one space could make a fair bit of noise. I made myself one of them and lived amongst them, waiting for word to come.

It’s almost a surprise when the blue stamped letter comes. I had nearly given into despair. (What if they’ve forgotten me? What if this life becomes my real life for the next ten years?)

The enthusiasm at receiving orders — it made me ashamed of myself. Just for a little bit. But mostly I felt as if I’d found something I’d spent years … Read the rest “The cold is a hungry beast. [NSFW]”

Updates and changes to come.

There’s a strange moment of disconnect between one thought and the next. It left him stumbling on numb legs.

He turned his body around and stood there, statuelike.

The world was made of fire.

It raged across the sky in blazing scarlet and gold. Giant wings reaching out to cover everything.

He tipped his head back and stared up at the parachute of light arching above him.

I’m going to die. The thought was spoken in a calm voice that rang through his ears as clearly as if they’d been outside of his own head.

It followed him as he ducked and ran and fought his way out of a city fallen to madness.

He came out of his fire with a starburst scar across the apple of his right cheek and an ankle that liked to pop when he walked. But he was alive and he could move to a suburban area and start a new life as a stay-at-home dad.

The woman he married was a dedicated career woman that had lokked startled by his offered Contract before agreeing.

The relationship wasn’t real, but he knew that he was a catch just on his looks alone.

It was kind of why he dressed as a farmer hipster when he wasn’t working. It was all plaid shirts, unshaven cheeks, and wildly tawsled hair.

He knew he was a hot mess. He could see the eyes that followed him around. It was why he’d switched to wearing glasses.

Add in Chucky, and suddenly he was the single dad that all kinds of women wanted to fix up.

Sometimes it made him laugh, when he was home alone with the sleeping baby. He would be watching TV in the living room, maybe smoking a little Calm and Cool, and he’d … Read the rest “Fill? 01 – on a gun”

Updates and changes to come.

THEME: “Why I Like Kdramas”

I like kdramas because for the most part they’re happy. Because even when the characters are presented with unhappy situations, by series end love triumphs over adversity, the bad guys get their comeuppance, and the protagonists find their happy ending.

And in between the introduction and the ending, there is a wealth of sadness and joy. The best shows run the full gamut of human emotion and take you on a journey through empathy and despair.

It’s beautiful to be allowed to feel so much. To have all of your empty spaces filled, even just for a little while, enables a person to face their own life with a bit more hope that everything will turn out all right. And that’s beautiful.

To laugh and cry cleanses the soul. It opens you up to possibilities you might never have known. It lets you look at another person and see that they’re human too, and thus deserving of consideration and maybe even love.

In a world that is often confusing and scary, a kdrama lets you believe that perseverance will be rewarded. If you hold onto your spirit and don’t give in to temptation and cruelty, you can live a good life. Just keep moving forward, keep smiling, cry when you need the release, and don’t let anyone tell you that you’re not good enough to be happy.

There’s so much feeling in a good kdrama. It might be fiction, but it feels like truth. Because you will laugh, cry, and fall in love one hour at a time.

And that’s another think I like about kdramas: they are planned out with a beginning and an ending. Each series has a goal to be reached and you don’t have to worry that things will be drawn … Read the rest “THEME: “Why I Like Kdramas””

Words from "The Cat In The Hat" by Dr. Seuss: A, About, After, All, Always, And, Another, Any, Are, As, Asked, At, Away, Back, Bad, Ball, Be, Bed, Bent, Bet, Big, Bit, Bite, Book, Books, Bow, Box, Bump, Bumps, But, Cake, Call, Came, Can, Cat, Cold, Come, Could, Cup, Day, Dear, Deep, Did, Dish, Do, Dots, Down, Fall, Fan, Fast, Fear, Fell, Find, Fish, Fly, For, Fox, From, Fun, Funny, Game, Games, Gave, Get, Give, Go, Gone, Good, Got, Gown, Had, Hall, Hand, Hands, Has, Hat, Have, He, Head, Hear, Her, Here, High, Him, His, Hit, Hold, Home, Hook, Hop, Hops, House, How, I, If, In, Into, Is, It, Jump, Jumps, Kicks, Kind, Kinds, Kite, Kites, Know, Last, Let, Like, Lit, Little, Look, Looked, Lot, Lots, Made, Make, Man, Mat, Me, Mess, Milk, Mind, Mother, Mother’s, My, Near, Net, New, No, Not, Nothing, Now, Of, Oh, On, One, Our, Out, Pack, Pat, Pick, Picked, Pink, Play, Playthings, Plop, Pot, Put, Rake, Ran, Red, Rid, Run, Sad, Said, Sally, Sank, Sat, Saw, Say, See, Shake, Shame, She, Shine, Ship, Shook, Should, Show, Shut, Sit, So, Some, Something, Stand, Step, Stop, String, Strings, Sun, Sunny, Tail, Take, Tall, Tame, Tell, That, The, Their, Them, Then, There, These, They, Thing, Things, Think, This, Those, Thump, Thumps, Tip, To, Too, Top, Toy, Trick, Tricks, Two, Up, Us, Wall, Want, Was, Way, We, Well, Went, Were, Wet, What, When, White, Who, Why, Will, Wish, With, Wood, Would, Yes, Yet, You, Your