While I realize that my birthday is months and months away, I would just like to broadly hint that “Archer” and Archer-related paraphernalia is what I would like to receive this year (or next year, whatever). Starting with “How to Archer: The Ultimate Guide to Espionage and Style and Women and Also Cocktails Ever Written” by Sterling Archer himself.

First H. Jon Benjamin seduced me into watching “Bob’s Burgers” with his sexy sexy voice, then he sucked me into the world of espionage by dangling “Archer” in front of my face. Who could resist that kind of allure? Not I, sir. Not I.

And don’t even get me started on that time they put both shows together. The only way that could have been better was if all of the actors’ schedules had matched up. Still, it was pretty sweet.

So, putting my Netflix, Hulu, and Amazon accounts to good use, I have consumed the five available seasons of “Archer” (with my eyes, not my mouth, because that would be incredibly weird and, you know, physically impossible). As I have yet to see Season 6, I am avoiding all spoilers as though they’re contaminated with super-AIDS. Please don’t ruin it for me, or I will call the fury of Cthulhu down on your head.

There’s a special place in Hell for people that spoil books, movies, television, and the Superbowl.

Though I  probably wouldn’t say “No” to a Bob’s Burgers/Archer story where it turns out that Bob’s been bonked on the head and goes into a dream sequence where he thinks he’s Archer. Kind of like that one thing where Charlie Kelly mentions having a dream where he was a super hotshot scientist rockstar genius that saves the world from giant monsters … Read the rest “RE: Archer, books, merch, and AWESOMEness. Possibly not in that order”